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Golfpunk Rides Again

from Songs of Substance by Sockpuppet



The winning song from Song Fight!'s 20th anniversary fight


20 years ago I knew this guy, you probably know the type. His name was Gary or Greg or something, but everyone knew him as Golfpunk. His whole thing was breaking in windows of expensive cars using a golf club to protest the wealth gap or... somethin' like that.

Anyway, he called himself a performance artist, and some rich dude decided it would be funny to give him a Cadillac to drive around, you know, "ironically?" Golfpunk, he changed, man... He changed.

(Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac)
(Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac)
(Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac)
(Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac)

Now that he had a Cadillac of his own he suddenly felt a lot of empathy for the other Cadillac owners and stopped smashing windows. He wanted to smash things, though, so... he took his golf club to the golf course and... he started playing.

You know, golf.

The rich peoples' sport.

And he was good at it.

(Golfpunk, he drives a nine iron)
(Golfpunk, he drives a nine iron)
(Golfpunk, he drives a nine iron)
(Golfpunk, he's gonna crash and burn)

He ended up entering into a tournament and won a lot of money, but then his past caught up with him and all these rich assholes, like, sued him for the windows he broke. And then he had to go on a big ol' apology tour, 'cause it's not like he hurt anyone or said anything racist, but God forbid some windows get smashed up.

Anyway, we all kind of lost track of him for a long time, but then a few weeks ago he reached out to me and was like, "Hey, remember me?" And I was like, "Hey, I remember you! Man, Golfpunk! It's been a long heckin' time." Then he kinda went silent.

And then he says to me, "So, um, I'm not Golfpunk anymore. I got married, settled down, had kids... now I'm more of a... golf dad."

And I was like, "Oh. Huh. Weird."

And then he said the most offensive thing to me ever:

"And now I drive a Prius."

(Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac)
(Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac)
(Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac)
(Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac)

Anyway, I guess the moral of the story is it's okay to grow up sometimes, and maybe you're going to grow apart too. And that's alright.

Just don't become an asshole.


from Songs of Substance, released October 1, 2021




Sockpuppet Seattle, Washington

There are so many people in this band! You wouldn't believe how many if we told you. That's why we always have so many different styles and genres of music.

Try to figure out who is who!

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